Fun with in-flight magazine

Last night I was on a 5 hr flight, and in-between reading my book, thought I’d add my comments to ads and pictures in the airline’s in-flight magazine.

Here are my thoughts, which I left behind for the next passenger to read:

1.

Circled main image with link to this copy:

Looks like an angel made of meat. Saint LaBoeuf!

2.

Copy linked to woman in bed:

All these damn COMPUTER SCREENS!

3.

Copy linked to raccoon:

Don’t be fooled by my fizzy drink and crewneck. I’ll be eating your garbage tonight!

4.

Copy linked to guy climbing rock wall:

I’ve always wanted to climb a rock on a cruise ship!

5.

Copy in painting: BEFORE

Copy next to guy: AFTER

6.

Copy linked to guy:

Yes, you’re floating in thin air. Just read the paper! Don’t look down. Don’t look sideways. It’ll be over soon. Read the paper!

7.

Copy linked to duck:

Look! Daffy Duck’s an asshole. Howard the Duck? Nice guy. That’s just how it is.

8.

Copy:

Wow. I’m a terrible draw-er. Supposed to be skull and crossbones flag. But looks like constipated John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.

9.

Copy next to raccoon:

Noooo! Blue round thing is the Earth. Red round things is an apple. Earth. Apple. Got it?

We’ll stop you! But you over there – you’re okay.

Just heard a report by a cop warning people that, since it is a long weekend, they will be out looking to “crack-down” on bad drivers.

This in and of itself is funny. It’s like saying, “bad drivers have had it too good for too long. We never stop them. But now we’re fed up. We’ve had it. Warn your friends. This weekend, we’re gonna do our job'”

But then, he took it further. He said, in particular we’re REALLY looking for these kinds of drivers: Distracted ones on cellphones and speeders.

So, if you’re not on the this particular list of bad drivers you’re in the clear?: “YES! I’m a slow driver who never looks in in his rearview mirror and regularly hold up traffic for miles. Guess who’s driving this weekend!”

Or alternately:

Does someone who fits the bill of these bad drivers somehow reconsider their weekend plans: “SHIT. I’m a speeder. Maybe I should take the train. This weekend doesn’t look good for me on the road.”

Visit Toronto! Boy, 55 years ago, it was something to see.

 

This circled copy above is on the official page for Toronto’s City Hall.

Its purpose: asking you to have an imagination, dammit!:

“Hey don’t walk away. Honestly I know this building is dull, outdated and boring now. But let me tell you. I promise. This was really a sight to see in the 60s. No really. Hey where are you going….”

10 funny subtle comparisons

I was thinking of ways to describe someone who walks around punching you in the face with obviousness.  I came up with this list below in which:

He’s as subtle as…

1.  a Crucifix

2. a YouTube comment board

3. an Infomercial

4. slogans against gay marriage

5. CAPS LOCK

6. a Skyscraper

7. Nicotine withdrawal

8. Lady Gaga

9. An exclamation mark!

10. A shark attack