Not an Onion article

Here’s the story:

A man in Barrie, Ontario was killed by a group of teens at a mini-putt course with the sharp, broken end of a golf putter.


Now here’s the article, with the family remembering him. This is 100% true. No satire in site.

If I could be so lucky.


Four funny community courses

I was flipping through a Continuing Education brochure I got in the mail and these four courses caught my eye:


I like the shorthand in the first two questions. It sounds like Yoda speaking a zen koan:

“Improve on life’s most difficult situations you will”.

“Learn to be effective at work and home is certain”.

I also like the admission that it will help make it safe for you to talk about “almost” anything.

This begs a disclaimer:

This course still cannot make Necrophilia, Candle wax play, graphic Harry Potter fantasies or ABBA safe to talk about.  Sorry for any inconvenience.


I didn’t call to verify. But magic seems like no mere metaphor in this course.

And Job from Arrested Development could well be the professor:

“Now class I’ll teach you how to fire someone with flair ”

Approaches student sitting down:

“Well hello John. It would appear you’ve got something big and obvious lingering behind your ear”

Reaches behind ear to pull out a pink piece of paper.

“A pink slip! Well. Thanks for the years John. Let me be the first to say, your pot-luck casserole will be missed.”


Not Turkish? Again! Goddamit!


Reading the last line, followed by the price tag for materials, kinda feels like it sums up what this course provides.

“I’m here to learn master”.

“Hahhah. You just have. You just made stuff happen”


“And again!”

“I think I want a refund”

“Now you’re on a roll!”

You’re being watched (more than likely)!

“George did you install the videocamera”

“I forget”

“You forget?”

“I was busy with the Internet hookup. I forget if I also installed the camera.”

“Okay. Well can you go check?”

“I have to make some holes.”


“The drywalls up already and I would have installed the camera behind it. I need to open it up to see.”

“What’s it doing behind the wall?”

“It’s a pinhole camera. I was told to keep it as hidden as possible.”

“You can’t tell if you installed it or not when you look at the wall”.

“No, the hole is miniscule. Can’t tell”.

“Fine. Just put up a sign”