TV ad: Cerebral Dyslexia

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(Setting – charity dinner for Canadian Cerebral Palsy foundation. Everyone sitting down at tables looking up at a lectern where someone is about to stand up to speak)

GUY SPEAKING: Thank you ladies and gentlemen for joining us this evening.

(He’s oozing confidence. Looking over the crowd, maintaing eye contact, doing everything right that someone who’s had any media training or public speaking training knows)

GUY SPEAKING: As you know, this charity supports a cause that affects a small group of Canadians in a very big way.

Cerebral Parsley is a serious afffliction…

(Cut to woman eating parsely, who upon hearing something strange stops chewing, and you see the parsley hanging out of her mouth). 

that prevents Canadians from enjoying fulfilling lives. However, with your help today, research into Cerebral Parsley…

(Cut to audience again, who look at each other, mouthing the word “Parsley”, and pointing to it on their dinner plates – confirming that they aren’t going crazy, and did hear him say it. Guy speaking, unaware of his mistake, gallops along with his speech as if nothing is wrong)

is being conducted to help Canadians with this affliction and future Canadians who also may suffer.

With your donation today, the lives of Cerebal Parsley patients can be improved. Thank you again for attending, and I encourage you to give generously to help those Canadians who live with this disease.

(Guy finishes confident, beaming out at audience. Again, as if he’d said everything right. The crowd is confused, and unsure how to react, so they clap slowly at the end of his speech.)

VOICEOVER: Dyslexia affects 5 million Canadians some of whom aren’t even aware they have it. If you or someone you know suffers from Dyslexia, visit our website: http://www.dyslexiaassociation.ca/english/mandate.shtml to learn how you can help.

This message brought to you by the Canadian Dyslexia Association.

Starving models of the Apocalypse

This is a real ad for iStockphoto. But I gotta disagree with their headline.

I think I could easily ignore a view of a starving model’s back and an upside down building in storm clouds no matter how good they claim to be.

But then, maybe I’m not their target market. Maybe they’re after the apocalypse obsessed with a bleak, dystopic worldview who’s holy trinity are emaciated bodies, upside down symbolism and darkness.

Their other attributes may also include a collection of every sound Nine Inch Nails has ever made, plus every episode of this inspired public access show :

Help me Onan one! You’re my only hope!

The porn industry needs your help. Come on 14 year old teenagers.. (and 15-99 year old men) , it’s time to bring your shadowy habits into the light and pay for your history of personal “downloads” thanks to the gigabytes and gigabytes of porn that made it possible.

If not for you, then for the next generation. 3-D money shots depend on it.