Fun with in-flight magazine

Last night I was on a 5 hr flight, and in-between reading my book, thought I’d add my comments to ads and pictures in the airline’s in-flight magazine.

Here are my thoughts, which I left behind for the next passenger to read:

1.

Circled main image with link to this copy:

Looks like an angel made of meat. Saint LaBoeuf!

2.

Copy linked to woman in bed:

All these damn COMPUTER SCREENS!

3.

Copy linked to raccoon:

Don’t be fooled by my fizzy drink and crewneck. I’ll be eating your garbage tonight!

4.

Copy linked to guy climbing rock wall:

I’ve always wanted to climb a rock on a cruise ship!

5.

Copy in painting: BEFORE

Copy next to guy: AFTER

6.

Copy linked to guy:

Yes, you’re floating in thin air. Just read the paper! Don’t look down. Don’t look sideways. It’ll be over soon. Read the paper!

7.

Copy linked to duck:

Look! Daffy Duck’s an asshole. Howard the Duck? Nice guy. That’s just how it is.

8.

Copy:

Wow. I’m a terrible draw-er. Supposed to be skull and crossbones flag. But looks like constipated John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.

9.

Copy next to raccoon:

Noooo! Blue round thing is the Earth. Red round things is an apple. Earth. Apple. Got it?

Advertisements

5 funny Tim Horton’s Roll up the Rim losing messages

Tim Horton’s is Canada’s unofficial religion. And in springtime, Easter feels the competition from   Tim Horton’s Roll up the Rim contests. This is when Canadians drink more caffeine than they probably should all in a quest to roll up their finished coffee and win a car, money or another coffee.

Here’s a losing example above.

To commemorate our national drug rush, I’ve put together 5 losing messages, in both official languages – English and Francais- as they would appear on a normal cup. Keep on guzzling for gifts! / Tic Tac Tabernac Esti Caulisse – Let’s go!

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

 

10 funny “He could sell” lines

I recently read a different take on the clichéd line – “He could sell ice to an Inuit*” with “He could sell sawdust to a lumber mill”.

* Politically correct update

I thought, I’d add to the cliché crashing party with examples in two styles, the original – i.e. “Selling someone something they already have” and different – “Selling someone the opposite of what they need”.

 
Original style

 “He could….

 1. Sell plastic surgery to Joan Rivers.

 2. Sell a cape to Superman. 

3. Sell hay to a farmer. 

4. Sell wood to a forest. 

5. Sell religion to the Pope.

 

Different style

 “He could….

 6. Sell underwear to a nudist.

 7. Sell rope to a free climber. 

8. Sell a two-wheeled bike to a unicyclist.

 9. Sell crutches to an Olympic sprinter.

 10. Sell a cage to a lion.

 Bonus.  Sell atheism to a doorstep Jehovah.

Confusication

My girlfriend and I went to an Ethiopian festival in the park near our house last week. As we stopped on our walk around one lap of the festival we remarked we were probably one of 5 people who weren’t Ethiopian or at least had a strong connection to the culture.

At that moment, a young couple approached us and started a conversation.

But we were standing near huge speakers, that were playing loud reggae music so I only made out:

“)%*^(&(&…Saviour….&(^(&O@R. ..Jesus…(&*%%*^He’s the ONE”.

Yeah, I thought I knew where this was going. Sure enough after the young guy handed me a religious pamphlet, it was clear.

I thought I’d have a short chat anyway.

He said he was Ethiopian, born into the church and described being religious was like having good news you can’t wait to tell someone.

Fair enough, I understand the feeling of having “good news” you want to tell someone. But, I thought, to feel like that all the time, must be exhausting.

Like being a paperboy without enough houses to deliver to.

He then asked me in a lull between songs:

“Have you tried Ethiopian food”, pointing to the food stands behind him.

I replied just as the music started up again:

“Yes, I have, but I’m by no means a professional”.

Immediately he and the girl he was with looked at me with concern and started apologizing:

“I’m so sorry. The food can be undercooked at these kinds of things. It’s hard to pull off. I’m really sorry”.

I thought it was strange they were suddenly apologizing, but went along with it:

“No worries. That’s okay. I like Ethiopian food.”

After some more stilted conversation we broke off, walked towards the food stands and as soon as we were out of earshot, my girlfriend said:

“Do you know what they think you said to them?”.

“Yeah, what was that about. The apologizing”

“When they asked if you had Ethiopian food. I think they heard:

Yes, but it’s not professional by any means

To recap.

In their minds, I walked into their cultural festival, toured the premises once, slagged off their national food to their face and walked away from them, straight towards the food stands again to do what? – Also tell the people working the food stands their cuisine is unprofessional?

Akward humour: 1            International diplomacy: 0