1. “What are you wearing to the latex party tonight?” – sent to Boss who wasn’t invited.
2. “ I just got the results, I’m not pregnant. Thank Gaawd! Could you imagine how retarded a baby from the other John would be!” – sent to the other John.
3. “I think Francine has the mind of a donkey, the body of a hippo and smells like a sweat-dried baboon”. – sent to Francine.
4. “Soo glad Joyce and Carl aren’t coming. Steak, steak, burgers and steak! I’ll be searing bloody animal carcasses all afternoon, baby. Let the killing begin!!” – sent to Carl, a vegan and animal rights activist.
5. “Kelly Jones. Oh yes, you will be mine. Saddle up”. sent Reply all to office wide email asking who is attending company off-site. Intended for one recipient.
1. Vomit bags – you pay a ton of money to take this form of transportation and the airline expects you to be sick.
2. Safety study – seeing people listening with intensity to every safety instruction and safety demonstration, including looking under their seat to touch their safety vest and touching above them where the oxygen mask will drop.
3. People clapping when pilot lands – Yes, I can understand if you’ve run out of gas, narrowly missed a mountain peak, and touched down safely with an engine on fire. But applauding pilots for a routine flight, is kind of like someone clapping behind you every time you reply to a work email.
4. Alcohol – I’m a fan. But I don’t drink as a passenger on a long car ride or on a bus. Apart from people drinking to forget they’re 30, 000 feet in the air, do we really need it that bad?
5. Parentless kids – Kids who run up and down the aisles and chat up strangers for close to the entire flight with no parent trying to reclaim them,“Honey, Joey’s running again” “Sweetheart, this is our vacation too. Let him go”.