10 funny subtle comparisons

I was thinking of ways to describe someone who walks around punching you in the face with obviousness.  I came up with this list below in which:

He’s as subtle as…

1.  a Crucifix

2. a YouTube comment board

3. an Infomercial

4. slogans against gay marriage

5. CAPS LOCK

6. a Skyscraper

7. Nicotine withdrawal

8. Lady Gaga

9. An exclamation mark!

10. A shark attack

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5 funny Tim Horton’s Roll up the Rim losing messages

Tim Horton’s is Canada’s unofficial religion. And in springtime, Easter feels the competition from   Tim Horton’s Roll up the Rim contests. This is when Canadians drink more caffeine than they probably should all in a quest to roll up their finished coffee and win a car, money or another coffee.

Here’s a losing example above.

To commemorate our national drug rush, I’ve put together 5 losing messages, in both official languages – English and Francais- as they would appear on a normal cup. Keep on guzzling for gifts! / Tic Tac Tabernac Esti Caulisse – Let’s go!

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

 

7 expressions I don’t understand

1.  Have one’s cake and eat it too

What else would I do with a cake?

2. The Devil Is In The Details

But God’s also in the details. So, details are bad when you have to come up with them, but once you have, they’re heavenly?

3. To Err Is Human, To Forgive Divine

I fucked up because I’m human. Now I should forgive because it’s divine.

But hang on. I’m human.

4. Don’t Look A Gift Horse In The Mouth

Is the gift horse about to vomit? Does it have decaying rotten teeth that will make me vomit? Why shouldn’t I look into its mouth?

5. Can’t Cut the Mustard

I can cut the mustard. You can cut the mustard. Realistically, only someone, unconscious on life support or without function of their hands cannot cut the mustard.

6. Between A Rock And A Hard Place

Granted it wouldn’t sound as good, but isn’t a hard place just another rock?

7. Beat A Dead Horse

Did somebody actually beat a dead horse and get increasingly frustrated it didn’t react?

“Fuckin horse. Whack! You deserve it, you equine stooge. Whack! Don’t you ever defecate in front of my house again. Whack! Do you hear me you disgrace to farm animals. Whack! Why aren’t you listening to me.”

“It’s dead, man.”

“Damn it. You’re right. It’s just not worth it.”

You’re being watched (more than likely)!

“George did you install the videocamera”

“I forget”

“You forget?”

“I was busy with the Internet hookup. I forget if I also installed the camera.”

“Okay. Well can you go check?”

“I have to make some holes.”

“Holes?”

“The drywalls up already and I would have installed the camera behind it. I need to open it up to see.”

“What’s it doing behind the wall?”

“It’s a pinhole camera. I was told to keep it as hidden as possible.”

“You can’t tell if you installed it or not when you look at the wall”.

“No, the hole is miniscule. Can’t tell”.

“Fine. Just put up a sign”