Last night I was on a 5 hr flight, and in-between reading my book, thought I’d add my comments to ads and pictures in the airline’s in-flight magazine.
Here are my thoughts, which I left behind for the next passenger to read:
Circled main image with link to this copy:
Looks like an angel made of meat. Saint LaBoeuf!
Copy linked to woman in bed:
All these damn COMPUTER SCREENS!
Copy linked to raccoon:
Don’t be fooled by my fizzy drink and crewneck. I’ll be eating your garbage tonight!
Copy linked to guy climbing rock wall:
I’ve always wanted to climb a rock on a cruise ship!
Copy in painting: BEFORE
Copy next to guy: AFTER
Copy linked to guy:
Yes, you’re floating in thin air. Just read the paper! Don’t look down. Don’t look sideways. It’ll be over soon. Read the paper!
Copy linked to duck:
Look! Daffy Duck’s an asshole. Howard the Duck? Nice guy. That’s just how it is.
Wow. I’m a terrible draw-er. Supposed to be skull and crossbones flag. But looks like constipated John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.
Copy next to raccoon:
Noooo! Blue round thing is the Earth. Red round things is an apple. Earth. Apple. Got it?
1. Vomit bags – you pay a ton of money to take this form of transportation and the airline expects you to be sick.
2. Safety study – seeing people listening with intensity to every safety instruction and safety demonstration, including looking under their seat to touch their safety vest and touching above them where the oxygen mask will drop.
3. People clapping when pilot lands – Yes, I can understand if you’ve run out of gas, narrowly missed a mountain peak, and touched down safely with an engine on fire. But applauding pilots for a routine flight, is kind of like someone clapping behind you every time you reply to a work email.
4. Alcohol – I’m a fan. But I don’t drink as a passenger on a long car ride or on a bus. Apart from people drinking to forget they’re 30, 000 feet in the air, do we really need it that bad?
5. Parentless kids – Kids who run up and down the aisles and chat up strangers for close to the entire flight with no parent trying to reclaim them,“Honey, Joey’s running again” “Sweetheart, this is our vacation too. Let him go”.