Top 5 funny things to do at a laundromat

1. Bring in a bundle of sheets with chicken bones inside it. Release the sheets and when the bones come out on the floor say:

“Fluffy!!! Noooo. Why didn’t you tell me you were in there!!”

2. Show up with what looks like bloodstained bedsheets, a shirt and a pair of jeans. Hold them up to show holes, which look like bullet holes. Ask someone: 

“Can I use this washer. I’m in a bit of a hurry.!”

3. Bring in an old lady and say:

“Excuse me is your washer taken. My grandmother needs a bath, and our plumbing’s out.”

4. Bring in a dish rack with dirty dishes and say:

“Oh, I won’t be a minute. I just need the extra force of the washer to get off this lasagna.”

5. Start piling the following things out of your pockets in plain view:

grainy Polaroid shots of someone in underwear, handcuffs, a whip, a rubber chicken, a rubber gerbil, pills, a ball gag, brass knuckles, nunchucks and a copy of 7 habits of highly effective people.

Apocalypse now or next year?

I was thinking, how does it work when devoted doomsayers’ predictions don’t come true?

These are apocalypse-watchers who meet at an agreed upon sacred spot where lightning, lasers and brimstone will converge at exactly 12:01 on Jan 1 of every year.

But alas, just like every other year, nothing happens:

“Hmmm.. Well there you go. Nothing doing just yet, Joanie. Orion must have been slightly out of alignment with Cassiopeia.”

“Yeah, and I read the tidal charts this morning and they were only 1 foot – which is a little low for the Rapture”.

“Good point. Well, good to see you again Joanie. Same place, same time next year?’

“You bet, Frank.  Next year I’ll bring some more cucumber sandwiches. They’re incredibly refreshing”.