Powder room? Urination station!

I think it’s funny that we still call two piece bathrooms – Powder rooms as if we’re living  in Victorian times and must speak in euphemisms:

“Good sir. Could you tell a Lady where she could, Ahem (clears throat),  powder her nose”

2010 translation:

“John. Where’s the bathroom (wiping sweat from forehead), I have diarrhea.”

Possible names to replace powder room:

Poo closet

Pee suite

Waste dump

Urination station

The in-house

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Top Five funny things about flying

1. Vomit bags – you pay a ton of money to take this form of transportation and the airline expects you to be sick.

2. Safety study – seeing people listening with intensity to every safety instruction and safety demonstration, including looking under their seat to touch their safety vest and touching above them where the oxygen mask will drop.

3. People clapping when pilot lands – Yes, I can understand if you’ve run out of gas, narrowly missed a mountain peak, and touched down safely with an engine on fire. But applauding pilots for a routine flight, is kind of like someone clapping behind you every time you reply to a work email.

4. Alcohol – I’m a fan. But I don’t drink as a passenger on a long car ride or on a bus. Apart from people drinking to forget they’re 30, 000 feet in the air, do we really need it that bad?

5. Parentless kids – Kids who run up and down the aisles and chat up strangers for close to the entire flight with no parent trying to reclaim them,“Honey, Joey’s running again” “Sweetheart, this is our vacation too. Let him go”.

Story anarchy

I think it’s funny when someone starts to tell you a story, but  gets sidetracked with details that have nothing to do with their story, and end up confusing themselves and everyone listening:

“I gotta tell you about my night out last night. I got in from work around 6 or so.

The traffic was just crazy. Things were just all backed up on the Queensway, and one guy next to me was playing “Fight for your right to party” super loud. The Beastie Boys song. It was actually a pretty funny song to hear, considering the circumstances we were in.

I heard the traffic guy on the radio, saying things would be backed up for an hour or more. I thought, an hour. Jesus. What would I make for dinner? I hadn’t got anything in the fridge and had no idea what I would end up doing. Fish maybe – I know it’s good for you, and I should really eat more of it. I’m eating too much red meat right now. I just can’t help it. I loooovee burgers. And steak. And well, anything red meat.

But I’d go for fish. I really like that fish that looks and tastes like trout. Something…far…har. From the arctic. Bar.

No, no. Arctic char. That’s it. Mind you I didn’t get it. I went with Tilapia. Good fish too, and bit cheaper. Thought I’d save my money.

It was packed at the supermarket too. I got what I needed – fish, whole wheat couscous and some salad.

I finally got home around 6 or so. It was nuts. How was your night?”

“I thought you said you went out last night?”.

“Oh yeah…ooops I totally forgot. Yeah let me tell you…..

Top five funny hello flubs

I think it’s funny when people screw up the hello exchange. My favourites:

1.  “Hey, how’s it going?”  “Not much”

2. “What’s new?”  “Good”.

3. “This is Joan.” “Hi Joan, nice to meet you” “Fine and you?”

4. “How are you?” “Yeah”

5.  “Hi there.” “Good thanks”.

Oh this post. Tag it under Life

I think Seinfeld said it about Life cereal – “To call  it Life. It’s a bit arrogant isn’t it?”.

So, I thought tagging a post with Life, unless it’s about a near death experience, the birth of something or the study of living things – kind of defeats the purpose.

Since the point of blogs is to discuss, that big, amorphous term – Life – doesn’t it go without saying a post, of whatever sort:

“I had a funny conversation with my neighbour today…” –

“Pissed me off. I got a flat tire when I was racing home to take a leak…”

“My dog had a litter of seven puppies today and I thought I’d name them after the seven deadly sins”..

…is ultimately about “life”.

It’s the equivalent of tagging your post Blog.