Man joined G20 protests to fight one cause: boredom

“Sir, please tell me why you’re here today”, a reporter asks

“I smoked a bowl and was watching Saturday infomercials. But I’d seen them all before, and knew how they all ended. I flipped between channels and saw tons of people chanting, yelling and marching up the streets”.

 “So that spurred you on to stand up and fight against social injustice”, the reporter asks.

 “No, there was just nothing on TV”, he replies

 “So, then why are you here, sir?”, the reporter asks.

 “I spotted this guy in one of the crowds carrying this massive sign with the letters B and P in bold, followed by the slogan “BULLSHIT PSYCHOPATHS”.

 “Oh okay. So you’re here to protest BP’s oil spill mismanagement?”, the reporter asked.

 “No – I want to use it as a band name. For one performance only, as part of their sold-out cross country tour. You know their loud, You know their dangerous. Ladies and Gentlemen: Bullshit Psychopaths! Such a great name.”

 “I see…”, the reporter replies.

 “People looked like they were having a good time, hanging out. I thought, shit, I’m gonna track down the dude with that slogan and ask his permission to use the name. His artwork’s not bad either”.

 “You mean the caricature of Tony Hayward with fiery red eyes holding a gas pump that’s shooting oil at flying ducks?”, the reporter asks.

 “Yeah that’s the one. Why do you call the guy Tony Hayward?”.

 “The caricature is based on BP’s CEO who was responsible for the oil spill”, the reporter answers.

 “Hahah. That’s a terrible rock star name. I’ll have to change that. That’s if I can find this guy”, guy cranes his neck looking above the crowd.

 “Good luck with your search”, reporter says

 “For sure, dude”

Fashion photographer mistakes G20 for avant-garde fashion show

“Did you go to Gaultier’s 20^th anniversary show in Toronto this past weekend?”, photographer asks his friend.

 “What?”, his friend replies.

 “It was transcendent! The anarchist uniform was shocking in its simplicity, and the  shattered glass and burning cop cars were spectacular. It was light years ahead of anything I’ve seen in fashion. They must have had top Hollywood talent working on special effects“

 “That wasn’t special effects”, his friend replies. 

“I know, it seemed almost too real. But, before I gush too much, I have to say – I am really let down by the cops. It’s disgraceful how they paraded around like they did. Horrific, if you want the truth.

 “You mean how they treated peaceful protesters?”, his friend asks.

 “No,- I mean they’re not models! They’re pudgy, pockmarked and waddle around like they’re suffering from haemorrhoids. I would never put these people on the frontline of an urban fashion show. My god! It’s downright irresponsible.

 “What?”, his friend says.

“I’m just being honest. And while I’m on it, the protesters didn’t make a very good frame either. Unkempt facial hair and mismanaged style, trying to blend fashion eras that are meant to be segregated like fighting children.

 I mean, it’s like mating a koala and a kangaroo. Yes, they’re in the same country and cute in their own way– but a koala with a pouch and kangaroo living in a tree? It’s terrifying.

 “What the hell are you talking about”, his friend says.

 “I know I’m rambling. The point is -the show was a revelation. Get ready for a runway assault this coming fall. Revolution is in the air”.

 “You’re a lunatic”

 “Wait ‘till fall and you’ll call me a genius”

Anarchists rage against the oppression of plate glass

AAG – the unorganized, non-denominational, non-hierarchal, non-gender biased, non-sexual orientation-biased, non-ethnic biased, non-brand biased, non-hair colour biased, non-clothing colour biased, and non-colours of the world biased – Anarchist against glass sported their, inclusive, neutral clothing color – black – to express their rage against their sworn enemy in Toronto this past weekend:

 Plate glass.

 “It’s oppressive – it prevents us from seeing the world through our own eyes. Glass is a capitalist construct that needs to be removed. We vow to shatter this powerful illusion”, one of the anarchists claimed.

As they smashed window after window on storefronts, one anarchist exclaimed:

“Look inside people. We are giving you an unfiltered look at capitalist society. What do you see?”.

When someone replied: “Ummmm..I see the same clothing mannequin with clothes on that was behind the glass before”.

The anarchist responded: “Exactly. Now you see.”.

 “Am I missing something?”, the bystander was overheard saying to her friend:

Once the anarchists reached the end of their path of destruction a reporter commented to one  anarchist:

 “Hang on. You’re also wearing glasses”

The anarchist replied,  “Yes, yes, you notice, I also suffer from this windowed oppression. I too will throw off these plates of misery when the price is right.”

 “You mean, when the time is right in the heat of battle?”, the reporter responded

 “No, when the price is right. LensCrafters is having a sale on contact lenses in the next couple of months.”

G20? G-Unit!

A diehard G-Unit fan mistakes Toronto’s G20 for a G-Unit album release party:

“Yo, this is serious! They’s barricades up and down the streets. In real concrete! Cops in bulletproof vests, riot gear and they got plastic handcuffs like they’re  gonna arrest people.

Fuck Kanye. The Unit’s gonna outsell him and everyone else after this party. They musta busta milli on it– the cop outfits look dope, and the fence don’t look cheap neither.

This party’s  gonna be off tha hook.

When you think 50’ll show up?”