Five funny wine tasting notes

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#1

TASTING NOTE: This ruby rich delight is packed with mouth-watering sumptuousness with hints of bramble, blackberry, boysenberry, Don Cherry and Frankenberry flourishes. A treat to open tonight with beef testicles or lamb spleen escabeche. Also an ideal companion for manic-depression. Shows promise to last longer than your belief in an afterlife.  

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#2

TASTING NOTE: Straw yellow colour, reminds of bottles peed in when too lazy to leave the couch. Wafts of apples, pears and armpits on the subway, this one surely won’t disappoint. Break the seal tonight to help you forget you have to repeat the same day tomorrow or save it for next year after you’ve realized anyone can do your job. Good with pork or pancakes, this stunner is ripe for self-medicating any time of day.

 

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#3

TASTING NOTE: Dark as David Fincher, this beauty unwinds waves of hovercraft oil, BDSM dungeon sweat and Fair-trade biodynamic hand-cultivated chocolate from a mountaintop parcel of land in a coastal rainforest. A brooding mistress of devilish wonder – uncork it for a seance tonight or pair it with freshly killed goat from a voodoo ritual. This one will make you wonder what you’re doing with your life.

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#4

TASTING NOTE: Medium-bodied garnet with whispers of lavender, tulips and cacti – this one will have you convinced you’re a poet. Don’t kid yourself. Your verses are terrible in comparison with the virtuosity of this Shakespearean dream child. Open it tonight by yourself to commune with the world’s four major religions or create your own religion sharing it with friends. You won’t forget this celestial ejaculation!

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#5

TASTING NOTE: A nose of melted plastic, burnt toast and deck shoes worn without socks, this one is a true gift. Every sip brings reminisces of suntanning after a morning of mosquito bites and family conflict. Great for tonight as an accompaniment for anxiety and an uncertain future plus goes remarkably well with the movie Scarface. What are you waiting for? Say hello to your little friend.

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3 thoughts on “Five funny wine tasting notes

  1. here is the best tasting note ever:
    “Alongside the “Great Lords “, the appellation wines, the wines of the Aude countries deserve the detour and numerous halts.
    A wine tasting weekend is required to discover the characteristics of this wonderful region and its varietals.

    Varieties of land, varietals of traditions, exhibitions, they are the witness of our rich diversity. Each Vin de Pays stages a different landscape such as “Cité de Carcassonne “, “Miramont”, “Val Orbieu “, “valley of Paradise “, …
    These are for 80% red wines which today offer a very original note which meets the demands of the modern consumer.

    Light and friendly wines, they let the fruit of the Aude traditions flow into the glass.
    The red Vin de Pays d’Aude are better consumed at room temperature or sometimes cooler.
    With friends or for daily meals, do not hesitate to open a bottle.
    They are to consume in their youth, it will be a real happiness in the mouth.”

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