My favourite TV channel


I preferred watching my sister watch TV growing up, rather than an actual TV show. Soap operas especially. She would repeat a cycle of six emotions for each soap sequence she watched:

First, alertness and surprise.

Jesus Christ why is Vivian talking to Victor now!!! He sold their baby to Guatemalan guerrillas in exchange for mining rights to oil. Don’t talk to him.

Second, fear.

Oh god, I know something bad is about to happen. I just know Victor’s going to hurt Vivian somehow. Tie your tubes Vivian, save your babies!

At this point her hand would usually go to her bottom lip.

Third, hope and happiness.

Yes Vivian, tell him how deranged his deranged mind is! But whoa. You still love him. Don’t throw it all away. You still have to admit your love, Vivian. Yes, yes tell him now!!!

Fourth, melancholy and sadness.

He doesn’t love her. I can see it. Here it comes, he’s gonna tell her he doesn’t love her.

Fifth, disbelief and suspicion.

Why’s he telling her he loves her? He doesn’t even come close to loving her. I know he doesn’t. Wait a minute  – he’s saying it to use her for something. To go to Guatemala!  Wait, noooo Vivian. He’s going to sell you too. Don’t do it. Stay in Wyoming for god sake.

Sixth, anger.

You sonofabitch Victor. How could you betray your own wife!!! She’s stood by you when you were possessed by the Devil, possessed by a sheep and possessed by an antelope. She even talked you out of a sex change, you bastard!!!

Next comes a commercial break or a new scene. She takes a deep breath, resets her expectations, and the cycle begins again.

Endless entertainment.

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